Reality vs. Truth

I think the biggest struggle for me right now is that all of this simply doesn’t seem REAL yet.

(I’m so blessed, by the way.  If that’s my biggest struggle.)

Sure, we have lots to do with this home-study process (paperwork, appointments, reading, etc.), and I know that all that stuff is leading to something.  But it sure is easy to view them as assignments to check off… rather than mile-markers toward something real.

Like a baby.

A friend and adoptive mom gave some great advice: “Think of all that paperwork as your pregnancy, and the waiting is your labor pains.”  A good perspective!

Still, as the ever-studious side of me is diligent to complete all these things, and the ever-hopeful side of me is euphoric about what’s to come, the reality of it all still seems as far off as the initial dream.  At some point, some time in the future…

I know that our family assessment should be complete by the end of July, and, once it’s approved, we’ll be eligible for a referral.  But even then, the point at which we’ll be “matched” with a birthparent is completely unknown.  The truth is, as much as I read and browse and think about, I’m just not feeling any urgency to do anything physical.  I’m not thinking about items to buy or things we’ll need.  I’ve actually had the thought cross my mind a couple times this past week:  Should I be stressed about the fact that I’m NOT stressing over what I should be stressed about?

A big part of this, I’ve realized, is not having that physical reminder that a baby is on the way…  I don’t have the growing belly that tells me this is real and forthcoming.  The direct proportion of a “bump” getting larger to the shrinking of time between each day and its arrival.

But a pregnant friend of mine recently made a great statement that I’m holding onto as well:  “Listen, I can’t see my feet right now, and I STILL don’t feel like it’s real!!!”

So there you have it. :D

In the meantime, as I was deep into our required reading this week (like a good student, I mean, right, expectant mom), I came across this line:

The unpredictability of the adoption process sometimes keeps prospective parents from getting ready for the child’s arrival.

It’s underlined because that’s how it looks in my book right now.  So apparently, this isn’t anything abnormal.

The book continues, prodding me to “nest”…  To begin “accumulating necessary clothing, supplies, and furniture.”  Choose a pediatrician.  Et cetera.

To my defense (in not doing ANY of this!), I still think we might not quite be to that point yet.  But the other source of hesitation?

Not knowing where we’ll be at that point in time.  Our condo is still on the market, and we don’t have a clue as to whether or not we’ll still be here or in a house when we have a baby.  Not that I’m demanding the house.  I think if you had asked me a year or so ago if we’d have a baby in our third-floor condo, it wouldn’t have even been a consideration (of course not — why would we do that??).  By now I have more than come to terms with the fact that, if God’s plan is for us to start out in our condo, then this is where the baby comes home.  And that is completely OK.

In trying to sell, however, we have purposefully kept everything to a very bare minimum around here.  As for the “nursery”?  Well, it currently looks like this:

office

What can you do? :)  It may not be a fairy tale, but it’s our story — and I love it.  So even if the truth is that right now what we’re doing doesn’t seem real, I guess that IS our reality.  Fairy tales aren’t real either…  But they teach us something.

And the best part is, we have something even better than reality to cling to: Truth.

“He himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.  And He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place (ESV).  His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him — though he is not far from any one of us (NLT).” Acts 17:25a-27

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{Specific prayer request:  After the positive response to a previous post, “The Journey to Here (An Honest Account),” I have contemplated writing that Part 2.  Right now I think I’m just lacking bravery and discernment.  I’m going to pray about it and ask God to give me the words — but only if it’s glorifying to Him, an encouragement to others, and if this is the right place for it.  Thank you!}  

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2 responses

  1. It’s okay to not have a nursery or anything yet. The baby will probably sleep in your room for the first few months anyway. I didn’t want that constant reminder while I was waiting so I didn’t accumulate anything . . . then I had a weekend to prepare before I picked up Rylee! In that weekend, my friends, family, and community stepped up and supplied us with almost everything we needed–they were such a blessing and was just another way of trusting God for His provision. Also, Trey held a little 4 month old baby last night!!! And we all suggested Trey not tell his adoption caseworker that he gets nervous holding infants :) Our security guard stopped by with his baby boy and the team all passed him around and loved on him!

    • I hope someone got pictures of that!!! :) Thanks so much, as always, for your words of encouragement and advice… I hope you guys are having an awesome week!!! Can’t wait to hear about it!

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