Hi, all! :)
First of all, I just have to say how much we appreciate everyone’s excitement… Thank you for your genuine love and support! Your excitement in general just feels so encouraging!
We’ve gotten tons of questions recently, and a lot of them concern where we are in the process right now. (Be sure to check out our “FAQs” page for answers to other Frequently Asked Questions about our adoption in general — under “Menu” if viewing from your phone.) I don’t know if I’ve done the best job of explaining everything here… and I know it’s still so confusing when you’re not living it every day like us… so I thought I would list a bunch of answers here on the blog in hopes of being helpful!!
If you don’t see your answer below — or, hey, even if you do — we still welcome questions and will be happy to answer any you continue to have. We don’t mind a bit! We had all of these same questions before we started this process, and believe me, we’ve heard it all and more… so please don’t be afraid! I just hope this helps clear some things up…
Yes! We are sooooo excited!!!
We do not have a baby yet (or know who the baby is, or know who the birthmother is, etc…). We have recently become a “waiting family,” which basically means we are “eligible” to adopt. The time up until now has been spent getting to that point: paperwork, interviews, training, completion of our home study, etc. So “waiting” means that we are now among the pool of potential adoptive parents that our agency (Bethany) is working with to find homes for children in need.
Once they make an adoption plan, expectant parents look through the profile books of families like us to choose whom they want to parent their baby. So right now, we are waiting to get the call that we have been chosen. At that point, we will know who the birthmother is and then be waiting for a specific baby to arrive.
We do not have a timeframe; we could get “the call” mentioned above at any time! It could be tomorrow, in three weeks, in five months, or a year… It all depends on when we are chosen! Our motto these days is to be prepared and to simply trust. We’ll see what happens!
We do not know when the baby will be born in relation to when we get the call. It all depends on how far along the expectant mother is in her pregnancy. When we get the call that we have been chosen, she could still have two months to go until delivery, or she could be ready to have the baby two days later. (Yep — we’ve heard those stories.) No matter how much notice we get, more than likely we will be getting a newborn and it be will a scenario where we will bring the baby home from the hospital.
We are doing domestic infant adoption, which means we’ll be adopting a baby from the U.S. Our baby could be here in North Carolina, or we might be taking a road trip to another state!
I will be getting 12 weeks of maternity leave. I get the same rights as a mother having a baby biologically… which I am so grateful for because that bonding time will be crucial!
We do not know if it will be a boy or girl. We did not specify a gender.
We do not have any news. When we get the call, that is it! That’s the news! (And you will definitely know!!!) At that point, we will learn who the expectant parent(s) is/are, when the baby is due, probably the gender, the location, etc. So until then… we wait.
Yes, you most definitely can pray for us! :) Pray for patience and trust in God’s timing and provision for us, but please also pray for the birthmother/parents and the baby. While it is many beautiful things, adoption is also a traumatic experience for birthparents and baby — a great loss in their lives no matter what the “best decision” may be. For the baby, the sounds, smell, movement, sensations, etc. that he/she has come to know and be familiar with about their mother for the past nine months will suddenly be taken away… and although Trey and I have lots of love to give, earning that trust and bonding with the baby will take time and healing. As far as the birthmother, she is a real person with real struggles — just like any of us. We pray for not just an opportunity to minister but also to truly build a relationship. Currently, I ask you for prayer for the circumstances surrounding her life: her choices, her health, her environment, and most especially that she knows and feels the love of God. Of course, there are the usual prayer requests for anyone as first-time parents — we welcome those, too! ;)
Yes; adoption can cost a lot of money. I wasn’t going to tackle this answer here, since it’s a bit complicated and warrants more of a conversation than a one-sided dialog, but the short version is: Agencies are businesses, and they could not exist or do what they do if there was no charge. With domestic infant adoption, agencies are helping find homes for babies whose mothers have chosen to make an adoption plan instead of having an abortion (please see our “Facts & Stats” page for more details). Unlike children who are removed from their homes due to neglect or abuse (for example, foster care), there is no government funding for a child that is voluntarily placed for adoption. Our cost to the agency not only pays for them as a nonprofit organization to pay their social workers, cover operational expenses, and advertise to expectant mothers seeking help, but they also provide us (the adoptive parents) with resources, guidance, and training to make sure we are equipped and prepared, and make sure our adoption is legal and ethical. Probably the best reason we pay a cost to our agency is for the care and counseling they provide to birthparents. Bethany’s philosophy is to minister to couples with unplanned pregnancies, regardless of whether they end up making an adoption plan or not — and we are overjoyed to support them in that ministry.
Trey and I are big advocates of foster parenting (we went through the training to become licensed foster parents last year and HIGHLY recommend it!), as well as caring for orphans through international adoption (which is what we originally thought we would do). Both of these are on opposite ends of the cost spectrum, and none of all of the different types of adoption, including domestic infant adoption, are any “better” than the others — or more necessary. All are very important. Certainly cost is a factor, but the biggest question anyone can ask is: What is God calling my family to do? Seeking His plan and the specific purposes He has designed is above all else, and we can only seek first His kingdom in all of this… trusting Him to provide and giving thanks that He has allowed us to be part of what He is doing — in our lives and in the life of the baby He has chosen for us to have the privilege of parenting.
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I really hope that helps!
OH, one big piece of news before I sign off…
We are under contract!!!
We got an offer on our condo this past week, and we are now officially under contract. Our closing date is April 28th. A lot could happen between now and then, so we’re just praying that all goes through. We are currently looking for places to rent (one year or less) so we can take our time looking for a house to buy. We’ll be researching neighborhoods, schools, etc. during the time we’ll be in a temporary townhome or house, and we look forward to finding our next home for our future baby and this next season of life.
This has been such a long time coming. The condo has been on the market for almost two years, and although we could totally make it work where we are, I’m grateful to settle in somewhere and have a guest room for family and begin preparing for the baby… Yay! High fives all around!! I don’t want to say that “God is so good” or “God is so faithful” because our condo sold. He is good and He is faithful anyway. But we do give Him thanks and praise for the huge blessing and gift of this timing and provision.
Thank you again! Honestly, your interest and excitement means a lot to us, and we’d appreciate the prayers if you remember us! We welcome and appreciate your questions, and we will continue to keep you posted…